I'm so conflicted. I just want to run again. I want to run. That's it, that's all there is to it. I rationalize and explain that i want to be healthy, and I want to run safely ... but if I am to be honest, I just want to run. I don't want to walk.
I miss being outside, running down the boardwalk, the side streets, the reservoir path, the trails. I miss getting up really early in the morning, going for a run in the cold weather, and getting back home just as everyone is just getting up.
I miss being at work and looking forward to going home just to run. I miss being excited realizing that I had an afternoon off so I could squeeze in a run.
I miss doing a long run, feeling great that, wow, I actually ran that far, and that feeling of accomplishment. The distance, the time, the goal, running it nonstop -- that was a runner's high.
I even miss looking into new gear, new shoes, new whatever.
This is the weird part ... I now miss about 4-6 months ago, while recovering from my first stress fracture, when I KNEW I would be back to running ... then I even miss 2 weeks ago, during my second stress fracture, when even then I KNEW I would prove everyone wrong and would run again.
Now I know I have osteoporosis. And I just don't know. Everything I'm reading is contradictory -- weight bearing exercise is good, running ok, but not too much??
I will have to ask my doctors.
But I want to run.
I don't want to straggle in the back of the pack or worse during the races, during the Goofy. I don't want to be one of those. I know that might not be the right thing to say, and it is selfish, but that's how I feel right now.
Please let me run again.