Run

just a quick word, as I'm finishing this nice Rogue yello snow IPA ... IPA's apparently have high levels of bone-building silicon, and the hops can prevent calcium loss from bone ... hopefully along with the medicines I'm taking and my weight bearing exercises I can reverse my osteoporosis...

and run again.

that's all I want to do. Run. be outoade, tun far. get that feeling again. race. 5k, 5 mile, 10k, half marathon ... marathon. goofy. i don't care. I wNt to run again. i will run again.

The Runner's High

It is often talked about, sometimes in whispers, sometimes in wonder, maybe disbelief ... but for those who believe, it is praised, and those who have felt it, there is a nod of acknowledgement.  It is the runner's high.  It is the feeling of elation and euphoria, felt during and after running ... the feeling that keeps runners going, the feeling that runners go back to.  It IS the reason for the running addiction.  It is the force that allows runners to wake up at 5am to run outside, in the dark, in the cold, in the snow, in the rain.  Even when it hurts.

But what is it?  Is it real?  Is it an urban legend, as some (undoubtedly non-runners) say?

I have felt it.  And I can only describe what it is like ...

The runner's high is Christmas morning.  It is the last day of school before summer vacation, when the final bell rings.  It is hanging out with friends at a really great party, feeling good, with great music, drink, food, and company.  It is achieving a goal -- personal, professional, and spiritual.  It is being at home, with your loved ones, your family, not really doing anything, but just being there with them.  Yes, it's that good.

But really, what is it, and how does it work?

Science points to endorphins that are created during exercise.  The hormones that make you feel good. Like a drug.  Literally getting drunk and high from running.

This may be true, but there has to be more to it from running.  Because of my injuries and health conditions, I have not been able to run.  I have tried my hardest to recreate the runner's high.  I have tried my best to get my body to release these endorphins to get me to that place ... that place of the runner's high.  But I haven't come close.  Today I used the elliptical for over an hour straight.  I used my whole body, I got my heart rate in the target 80% of max range for 90% of that time.  I sweat.  I felt some muscles burn.  I burned calories.

Exercise feels good ... but it doesn't come close to the runner's high.  It doesn't come close to the feeling of stepping out the door first thing in the morning, taking those first few steps, and knowing you are going to have a great run.  It doesn't come close to that moment during a run when you feel like you're floating, effortlessly, and feel that you could run forever, tirelessly.  It does not come close to the feeling at the end of a run when you look back at your mileage, your time, your PR, your new mileage record, your sense of accomplishment.

And no way -- no way -- does it even come close to that feeling in a race when you see the finish line, you kick it, you hear supporters, including your family, cheer you on all the way to the end.

Only running can give you that feeling.

Damn do I miss it.

Developing...

4:05pm now ... watching the news, details still developing, but there have been two explosions at the finish line of today's Boston Marathon ... 3 dead and many injuries according to the news. Lot of speculation, clock time was 4:09:45, near finish line, if timed, designed for maximum damage.

still developing ... how quickly life can change.

Doctors orders

Yesterday I walked 6.01 miles in about 1:27, or a 14:38 pace. No, it's not running, and a far cry from my running pace ...

but I was happy because the pace was below the time limit for the Long Branch Half Marathon! When I saw my final pace I was thrilled that I would be able to complete the half marathon, set to be 3 weeks away.

I did not want to miss another race due to injury, and I've already sucked up my pride and am content in walking it and bot running, as painful as that is.

But today I spoke to my orthopedist, who says it's fine for me to walk in general, and perhaps even get back to running by the fall ...

But in regards to walking the half marathon in 3 weeks? No.

Not cleared.

I'm kinda bummed, because I want to prove to myself and others that I can do it, because I know I can.

Plus so many of us are going down for the Walt Disney World marathon weekend in january, and I want to at least walk it.

But for right now, baby steps again.
No Long Branch Half Marathon for now.

But I know it's for the best. I do not want to get injured again.

Doctor's orders.

A Lesson in Ego

Three weeks from tomorrow is the Long Branch Half Marathon.  Over the past year, because of injuries, I've missed race after race, including the Spring Lake Five, the Belmar Five Mile Run, the Atlantic City Half Marathon, the Walt Disney World Half Marathon, and the Allstate 13.1 Marathon (whew!).

I've recovered well enough now that I'm on track with my training to actually do the Long Branch Half Marathon.  But, by "do" I mean "walk."

Walk.

If I am to complete the Long Branch Half Marathon in one piece, and injury-free, I will have to walk all 13.1 miles of it.  Not run a single step.

I should be ecstatic that at this point I'm walking and that I'm no longer a slave to my crutches, and my boot, and my cane, and my scooter.

But it kills me to have to walk.  I'm scheduled for a 6 mile "brisk walk" tomorrow.  When I was running, I never wanted to walk.  If I would ever walk during a run, I was not satisfied.  My goal was to run races ... all the way through, without walking.

If I am to be honest with myself, then I must say I never wanted to be "that guy" who walked during the race, or had to stop to walk.

But now I am that guy.

I'm selfish, I know.

I just don't want to look funny.  There has to be a fine line between power walking and that race-walking we see in the Olympics right?

The Long Branch Half Marathon has a time limit (chip time) of 3 hours and 15 minutes, which would be 15 minutes / mile.  The slowest pace group is 3 hrs, which is at a 13.44 pace.  That's my goal, I figure I can speed walk and try to keep up with the pace group.

I don't know.

First world problems!

yup ... i'm fortunate enough to be suffering from a couple of first world problems : post-cruise depression and depression from not being able to run yet.

yes, there are worse things in life, I know. spoiled and selfish perhaps?

It's the truth. I can't help it.

I walked 8.1 miles today. Straight; stopping only to tale a couple gulps of water and to go to the bathroom. It took me over 2 hours, but I did it. I should be elated ... A couple of weeks ago I was limping, a couple of months ago I was on crutches, and wearing a boot, on a scooter. For eight months I was injured, out of commission, unable to put full weight on my right hip, then my left ankle.

And today I walked! Far! And ... I should be happy.

But I'm just frustrated.

I want to run.

I see others running past me ... I see posts on Facebook, everyone seems to be running now ... Half marathon here, 5k there ... Training for the Goofy ... training for the Dopey (more on these Walt Disney World marathon challenges later...)

And last year I was running, and was able to run ... far ... half marathon ... Training for full and Goofy.

And now? I'm just walking. I know, I should be thankful. I should just swallow my pride and rejoice that not only am I "back to normal" and able to walk ... but that I'm still fit enough to walk 8.1 miles?

But selfish me. Now i've decided to train for the Long Branch Half Marathon, 4 weeks away. But I will walk.

Swallow my pride and walk. I was doing everything in my power not to run today, I know I could ... But I don't want to get injured again.

I finished the 8.1 mile walk today. No sense of major accomplishment. No runner's high. No satisfaction.

Still wish I could run. It's the truth. I can't help it. That's just how I feel.